We can learn to love again
by Lil2393
Summary: 3x23 Speculation Oliver and Felicity have an heart to heart conversation about the last few months and what happened in Nanda Parbat. I apologize in advance for any grammar errors. English is not my first language.


They didn't talk to each other. Not since she was yelling at him and he was leaving her in a cell and about to "kill" her. But she senses his eyes on her all the time.

They're in the PT lair, as she likes to call it, preparing to go out on the streets and try to stop the League from release the virus.

She's looking at the maps of the city, when he approches her from behind.

"Felicity" He reaches for her and she takes a step back, realising too late her mistake. His hand drops midair and he just stares at her.

"Uh..Sorry" She whispers looking away from him.

"I-We need…I need to talk to you" He can't seem to find the right words, and his disconfort is right in front of her. She knows far too well what he wants to talk about. But she can't. She needs to focus.

Felicity smiles at him and puts a hand on his arm, "We need to finish this, once and for all. After, we'll talk. I promise" and she walks out, he sighs and follows her. The city needs them right now.

* * *

It's over. Ra's is dead. Nyssa and Oliver are not legally married and she is the new Deamon's Head. The city is safe. They are safe. Oliver is free to come home.

Felicity should be happy.

And yet, Felicity is angry. And tired.

Oliver was at the loft with Thea, but she knows that after he'll come for her. To talk. TALK.

Felicity doesn't want to talk. She wants fresh air. She can't breathe. She needs to get out of PT and just walk.

Digg kisses her head and leaves for Central City, to Lyla and Sara.

Felicity exits PT and starts to walk, anywhere in particular. She breathes the fresh air of the night and suddenly she feels better, like every breath takes away the last few weeks.

After a while, Felicity finds herself near the beach. The cold of the winter is been replaced with the chilly of spring and she realises that she left her coat in her office. But she isn't cold, so she takes off her hills and starts to walk on the sand.

When the cold water reaches her feet, she sights, welcoming the purify sensation. She's in the black skirt with the cute dots and the matching sweather that she wore before heading to NB. She frees her hair from the ponytail and lets the lightly wind of the night brushes through it.

Felicity just stares at the sea, slowly walking on the seafront. _What a year. WHAT A FUCKING YEAR._

How all of this happened? How did they get to this point? It's been almost three years, and so much has happened that she finds difficult to remember her life before all of this. Felicity was just an IT girl, with a hell of a family and past. Her life seemed so complicated before…but now? That part of her life in comparison was fucking Disneyland. With unicorns. And rainbows.

And then, she senses him. His presence is clear and she closes her eyes shut, without looking away from the ocean. She should have imagined that he would found her eventually. She promised to talk. Yey Felicity.

Oliver stops walking when he sees her, feet in the water staring at the sea. She's a vision, even in the dark of the night. The wind moves her hair and skirt, making her look like an angel, ready to fly away. The thought scares him.

Oliver takes his shoes off and drops them on the sand. Then he walks towards her, stopping right beside her.

"How did you find me?" Felicity opens her eyes and continues to stare at the sea.

"I went to your office, then to your house. And finally i ping your phone." He looks at her.

"I've teached you too well" She smiles. "I'm sorry i didn't wait for you, i just needed to clear my head"

"I know" He smiles back. Then he turns right in front of her.

"We need to talk Felicity" She sights and looks away from him, suddenly tired again. His hand travels to her cheek, and he doesn't miss the hesitation in her eyes. His hand drops again, the second time today. The second time that he sees fear, and his heart sinks in his chest.

"I hate this"

The fear. He can't look in her eyes now. She knows what he's referring to, so she remains silent. "I did this to us" It's not a question, it's simply a statement. "You're afraid of me" He says, eyes down to the sand.

"No, i'm not" This time is Felicity that reaches for him. "it's just…You were very convincing. All the bad boy attitude and evil looks…everything was very convincing."

He curses himself.

"Do you trust me?" He knows he shouldn't be asking that, not right now. But her words in that cell are hunting him. _We trusted you._ He needs her trust, he needs HER.

Felicity turns to the ocean again, and suddenly she's angry. "I should be the one asking that"

"What? I trust you with my life Felicity. You know that." He places himself in front of her again and looks her in the eyes.

"Do I?" she aks rhetorically, rolling her eyes. "Because it doesn't feel that way" . Silence falls between them, both looking at each other.

"Why didn't you tell us…Why didn't you tell me?" she asks, and when he doesn't respond, she asks again, this time raising her voice.

"Why didn't you tell us your plan? We've could help you!"

"I couldn't"

"You wouldn't" She corrects.

"No I couldn't!"

"Why?!" she's using her Loud Voice now.

"Because I couldn't risk that what happened to Thea… I had to this with my head clear, knowing that you were home, safe. Not waiting for me."

 _Please. Like she can ever stop waiting for him. That's all she's been doing._ She release a bitter laugh and turns, walking away from him.

Oliver stays behind, watching her back, and begins to talk again.

"I didn't have a plan at first" She stops walking but she doesn't turn to him.

"After Thea, when Ra's began the tortures, i didn't have a plan. I though I was gonna die there. I didn't know if i was strong enough to fight the brainwash. When i realised that he couldn't break me, i decided that I would have destroyed the League from the inside, but in order to that, i needed to become a monster. I needed to become him. And i couldn't do it if you knew. I just…I couldn't."

She turns to face him, her eyes filled with tears.

"Your love saved me. I'd hold on to you. To us. And i know that this doesn't erase what i've done" Oliver looks in her eyes, and takes a few step towards her.

"I'll never be able to forget you…and the others, in that cell. The look on your faces. And i'll never forgive myself for doing that to you. Never. It will hunt me for the rest of my life. And i deserve it. But i need you to know that I'll never...EVER, hurt you intentionally" He finishes.

Felicity remains still at first, then slowly erase the distance between them and takes his hand in hers.

"I know that" He squeeze her hand.

"I'm so sorry" She looks in his eyes and sees his pain. But she also sees her pain, reflected in his blue shining orbs.

It's all so heavy. And she's so tired. She couldn't breathe again. She let go of his hand and takes a few steps away, breathing hard. She closes her eyes.

This was a moment of truth between them, so she tells the truth.

"That night, at Nanda Parbat. I told you that i love you, for the first time" He smiles at the memory. Her words and their night of love branded him, in his soul.

She turns and looks at him "You know why i didn't you tell you sooner?"

He shakes his head softly.

"I loved you for a long time. It's hard to remember a moment when i didn't love you really." She lets a little laught escape her lips, and she turns to face the ocean again.

"But i was afraid. I was afraid of what loving you means. I was afraid to accept that. Because deep down, i've always knew that loving you, means losing you. Time and time again" Oliver then walks to her and make her face him again. He takes her hands.

"Felicity…" He tries to stops her.

"Please, let me finish" She stares at him. He sighs.

"The man you are, the world you belong to…means that you don't belong to me. Not completly. And i didn't know if i could survive that. And then you died, and a piece of me died with you on that mountain" She has tears falling down her face again, but she doesn't stop them anymore. They needed this.

"But you came back, and i pretended that i didn't need you , that i've moved on, and i pushed you away."

"You told me that you loved me, but you were too far away. And then Thea almost died and you needed me, you opened up to me and let me in. And i realised… that i was lying to myself" She releases her hands from his again. She looks away for a moment, and then stares back at him "You know, i think i've never cried so much in my life like these past few months"

She doesn't miss the hurt in his face. "I'm sorry…" But she goes on.

"Stop. It was worth it" He snaps his eyes back at her, surprised. "As long as you come back to me. It was worth it because for me, we're endgame. You're it. There's not coming back for me.. When i told you that i didn't regret a single moment, i meant it. You changed my life the moment you came to my office. You changed me. So all the tears, the disappoinments, the heartbreaks…can't erase the fact that i'm in love with you" She travels her hand to his cheek and he leans in it, looking in her eyes.

"But…I need time."

Oliver nods softly and press a kiss to her hand. He understands.

"I need time to think at all of this…at these past few months, and where i wanna go from here" She explains.

"I know. I'll wait as long as you need. Because for me you're it, too. And i'll never lose you go again." He kisses her hand again.

" I'll be right here when you're ready." He smiles at her, with so much love in his eyes that Felicity feels her heart stops.

"I love you Oliver"

"I love you too, so much" He searches her eyes, asking permission. She smiles.

He leans forward and press his lips to hers in a delicate kiss. A true love kiss.

Felicity then pulls away, and takes some papers from her purse. She handing them to him, smiling. "I think these belongs to you."

"What is this?"

"Transfer documents of Palmer Technologies. Ray made me the CEO and the owner of the company. And I'm giving it back to you."

Oliver raises his eyes to her, shocked. She smiles at him.

And just as free she's giving it to him, he's giving it back at her.

"No."

"What? Oliver…" He takes her face gently in his hands.

"It's yours. You deserve it."

"But.." He silences her with another kiss. For Felicity this conversation was SO NOT OVER.

And then he lets her go. They look at each other, knowing that this was only the beginning.

* * *

Four months. They've been apart for four months. To Oliver seems a lifetime. They stayed in touch all the time, but is was difficult anyway.

Oliver knows that this was the right thing, for both of them, they needed time to understand what they want. For Oliver, it was simple, HER. The time apart only clarifes his feelings for her. He loves her even more than before, if that was even possible. But he doesn't push her.

So one day, he founds himself at the same beach, with feet in the water, staring at the ocean. So lost in his thoughts that he doesn't sense her behind him.

"Oliver" He closes his eyes. The sound of her voice almost stops his heart. He turns to face her and she takes his breath away.

Felicity stands still, staring at him, a loving smile on her face. She's wearing a white dress that floats around her. Her glasses on her nose and her hair free in the wind.

"You told me that i would find you here when i was ready." She smiles, and he runs to her.

Oliver picks her up and spins her around in his harms, she laugh.

When he lays her down, they look at each other.

"I've missed you"

"I've missed you, too"

And suddenly, there is peace.


End file.
